[NSRCA-discussion] Funny Email "Pocket Taser Stun Gun"

Tue Mar 21 17:11:47 AKST 2006

Sorry, that was "undetermined"....

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Michael Cohen" <precisionaero at comcast.net>
To: "NSRCA Mailing List" <nsrca-discussion at lists.nsrca.org>
Sent: Tuesday, March 21, 2006 7:09 PM
Subject: Re: [NSRCA-discussion] Funny Email "Pocket Taser Stun Gun"

> This is funny, but most likely fake.  Check out www.snopes.com.  The 
> status
> is "indetermined", but read on....
>
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Del K. Rykert" <drykert2 at rochester.rr.com>
> To: "NSRCA Mailing List" <nsrca-discussion at lists.nsrca.org>
> Sent: Tuesday, March 21, 2006 1:07 PM
> Subject: Re: [NSRCA-discussion] Funny Email "Pocket Taser Stun Gun"
>
>
>> Thanks for sharing Michael.. Wonder if the dude every found himself
>> again..
>> Now I have another reason not to try muggings or robbery as an 
>> alternative
>> pastime.. grin
>>
>>                 Del
>>          nsrca - 473
>>
>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>> From: "Michael Laggis" <fishgod at pobox.mtaonline.net>
>> To: "'NSRCA Mailing List'" <nsrca-discussion at lists.nsrca.org>
>> Sent: Tuesday, March 21, 2006 1:30 PM
>> Subject: [NSRCA-discussion] Funny Email "Pocket Taser Stun Gun"
>>
>>
>>> This was passed around my office this morning.  I just have to pass it
>>> on.
>>>
>>> Michael
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.  This was submitted by
>>> a
>>> guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their 
>>> anniversary:
>>>
>>> Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked
>>> my
>>> interest.
>>>
>>> The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little
>>> something extra for my wife Toni.  What I came across was a 
>>> 100,000-volt,
>>> pocket/purse-sized taser.  The effects of the taser were suppose to be
>>> short
>>> lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her
>>> adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I
>>> bought the device and brought it home.
>>>
>>> I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
>>> Nothing! I was disappointed.  I learned, however, that if I pushed the
>>> button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get
>>> the
>>> blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
>>> Awesome!!!
>>>
>>> Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on
>>> the
>>> face of her microwave.
>>>
>>> Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
>>> couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,... right?
>>>
>>> There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting
>>> little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I
>>> really
>>> needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.  I must
>>> admit
>>> I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought
>>> better of it.  She is such a sweet cat.
>>>
>>> But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself
>>> against
>>> a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. 
>>> Am
>>> I
>>> wrong?  So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my
>>> reading
>>> glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
>>> hand, taser in another.
>>>
>>> The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient
>>> your
>>> assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a
>>> major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly 
>>> make
>>> your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
>>>
>>> Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
>>>
>>> All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long,
>>> less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with
>>> two
>>> itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"
>>>
>>> What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my 
>>> best.....
>>>
>>> I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one
>>> side
>>> as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from
>>> such
>>> a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad....  I decided to 
>>> give
>>> myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it.
>>>
>>> I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY
>>> MOTHER,
>>> WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%!@*!!!
>>>
>>> I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me 
>>> up
>>> in
>>> the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and
>>> over again.
>>>
>>> I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears
>>> in
>>> my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be
>>> found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and
>>> tingling in my legs.
>>>
>>> The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard
>>> before,
>>> licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "Do it again, do it
>>> again!"
>>>
>>> Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one 
>>> note
>>> of
>>> caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap
>>> yourself.
>>> You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand 
>>> by
>>> a
>>> violent thrashing about on the floor.  A three second burst would be
>>> considered conservative.
>>>
>>> SON-OF-A-.... that hurt like hell!!!  A minute or so later (I can't be
>>> sure,
>>> as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what
>>> little
>>> I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.
>>>
>>> My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.  How did
>>> they
>>> up get there???
>>>
>>> My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.  My face
>>> felt
>>> like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 
>>> lbs.
>>> I'm still looking for my testicles?  I'm offering a significant reward
>>> for
>>> their safe return.
>>>
>>> Still in shock,
>>> Tommy
>>>
>>>
>>> _______________________________________________
>>> NSRCA-discussion mailing list
>>> NSRCA-discussion at lists.nsrca.org
>>> http://lists.nsrca.org/mailman/listinfo/nsrca-discussion
>>>
>>
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