[NSRCA-discussion] Funny Email "Pocket Taser Stun Gun"

Tue Mar 21 21:31:45 AKST 2006

Undetermined, indetermined or otherwise, this had me laughing so hard I was
gasping for air.  My wife also enjoyed it. As she stated, very good pros
(true or not).

Thanks for sharing,
Keith Black

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Michael Cohen" <precisionaero at comcast.net>
To: "NSRCA Mailing List" <nsrca-discussion at lists.nsrca.org>
Sent: Tuesday, March 21, 2006 8:11 PM
Subject: Re: [NSRCA-discussion] Funny Email "Pocket Taser Stun Gun"

> Sorry, that was "undetermined"....
>
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Michael Cohen" <precisionaero at comcast.net>
> To: "NSRCA Mailing List" <nsrca-discussion at lists.nsrca.org>
> Sent: Tuesday, March 21, 2006 7:09 PM
> Subject: Re: [NSRCA-discussion] Funny Email "Pocket Taser Stun Gun"
>
>
> > This is funny, but most likely fake.  Check out www.snopes.com.  The
> > status
> > is "indetermined", but read on....
> >
> > ----- Original Message ----- 
> > From: "Del K. Rykert" <drykert2 at rochester.rr.com>
> > To: "NSRCA Mailing List" <nsrca-discussion at lists.nsrca.org>
> > Sent: Tuesday, March 21, 2006 1:07 PM
> > Subject: Re: [NSRCA-discussion] Funny Email "Pocket Taser Stun Gun"
> >
> >
> >> Thanks for sharing Michael.. Wonder if the dude every found himself
> >> again..
> >> Now I have another reason not to try muggings or robbery as an
> >> alternative
> >> pastime.. grin
> >>
> >>                 Del
> >>          nsrca - 473
> >>
> >> ----- Original Message ----- 
> >> From: "Michael Laggis" <fishgod at pobox.mtaonline.net>
> >> To: "'NSRCA Mailing List'" <nsrca-discussion at lists.nsrca.org>
> >> Sent: Tuesday, March 21, 2006 1:30 PM
> >> Subject: [NSRCA-discussion] Funny Email "Pocket Taser Stun Gun"
> >>
> >>
> >>> This was passed around my office this morning.  I just have to pass it
> >>> on.
> >>>
> >>> Michael
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.  This was submitted
by
> >>> a
> >>> guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their
> >>> anniversary:
> >>>
> >>> Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that
sparked
> >>> my
> >>> interest.
> >>>
> >>> The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little
> >>> something extra for my wife Toni.  What I came across was a
> >>> 100,000-volt,
> >>> pocket/purse-sized taser.  The effects of the taser were suppose to be
> >>> short
> >>> lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing
her
> >>> adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL! Long story short,
I
> >>> bought the device and brought it home.
> >>>
> >>> I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the
button.
> >>> Nothing! I was disappointed.  I learned, however, that if I pushed the
> >>> button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd
get
> >>> the
> >>> blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
> >>> Awesome!!!
> >>>
> >>> Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on
> >>> the
> >>> face of her microwave.
> >>>
> >>> Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that
it
> >>> couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,... right?
> >>>
> >>> There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently
(trusting
> >>> little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I
> >>> really
> >>> needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.  I must
> >>> admit
> >>> I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and
thought
> >>> better of it.  She is such a sweet cat.
> >>>
> >>> But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself
> >>> against
> >>> a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.
> >>> Am
> >>> I
> >>> wrong?  So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my
> >>> reading
> >>> glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
> >>> hand, taser in another.
> >>>
> >>> The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient
> >>> your
> >>> assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and
a
> >>> major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly
> >>> make
> >>> your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
> >>>
> >>> Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
> >>>
> >>> All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5"
long,
> >>> less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded
with
> >>> two
> >>> itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"
> >>>
> >>> What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my
> >>> best.....
> >>>
> >>> I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one
> >>> side
> >>> as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst
from
> >>> such
> >>> a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad....  I decided to
> >>> give
> >>> myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it.
> >>>
> >>> I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY
> >>> MOTHER,
> >>> WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%!@*!!!
> >>>
> >>> I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me
> >>> up
> >>> in
> >>> the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over
and
> >>> over again.
> >>>
> >>> I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with
tears
> >>> in
> >>> my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to
be
> >>> found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position,
and
> >>> tingling in my legs.
> >>>
> >>> The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard
> >>> before,
> >>> licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "Do it again, do it
> >>> again!"
> >>>
> >>> Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one
> >>> note
> >>> of
> >>> caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap
> >>> yourself.
> >>> You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand
> >>> by
> >>> a
> >>> violent thrashing about on the floor.  A three second burst would be
> >>> considered conservative.
> >>>
> >>> SON-OF-A-.... that hurt like hell!!!  A minute or so later (I can't be
> >>> sure,
> >>> as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what
> >>> little
> >>> I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.
> >>>
> >>> My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.  How did
> >>> they
> >>> up get there???
> >>>
> >>> My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.  My
face
> >>> felt
> >>> like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88
> >>> lbs.
> >>> I'm still looking for my testicles?  I'm offering a significant reward
> >>> for
> >>> their safe return.
> >>>
> >>> Still in shock,
> >>> Tommy
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> _______________________________________________
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> >>> NSRCA-discussion at lists.nsrca.org
> >>> http://lists.nsrca.org/mailman/listinfo/nsrca-discussion
> >>>
> >>
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> >>
> >
> >
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> >
>
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