[NSRCA-discussion] FW: [ATR Ltd.] Military humor

[Richard Strickland]

Sent to me by a former fighter pilot and current automotive writer from my
car group.  Seems somehow appropriate today


RS



Old but gold.

Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight.
After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the window
seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice, "Admiral,
United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both surgeons."
After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight lipped
smile, "Admiral, United States Coast Guard, retired. Married, two sons,
both judges."
After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce
himself.
With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims, "Master Chief, United States Navy,
retired. Never married, two sons, both Admirals."
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During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy
backroad
encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the
wheel.
"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys,"Yours
is."
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Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at
his desk
when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the
colonel
quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the
phone,
"Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your
message.
In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."
Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he
asked,
"What do you want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your
telephone."
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Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier:"Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again.
Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.
Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
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An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in the
barbershop.
They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers
reached
for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think
I've been
in a whorehouse!"
The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put
it on me. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
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"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I
suppose
after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die
so you
can come and pee on my grave."
"No sir, after I get out of the Navy I am never going to stand in line
again!"
------------------------------------------------------------------
The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs,
he
fumbled for his passport.
"You've been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked
sarcastically.
The old gent admitted that he had been to France previously.
"Zen, you should know enough to 'ave your passport ready for inspection."
The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. You Americans always 'ave to show your passports on arrival in
France!"
The American senior quietly explained,
"Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44, I couldn't find
any
Frenchmen to show it to."

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