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<div>RVP - Add this guy to your "No Sale" list for Lithium batteries. . .</div>
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<div><span class="gmail_quote">On 3/21/06, <b class="gmail_sendername">Michael Laggis</b> <<a href="mailto:fishgod@pobox.mtaonline.net">fishgod@pobox.mtaonline.net</a>> wrote:</span>
<blockquote class="gmail_quote" style="PADDING-LEFT: 1ex; MARGIN: 0px 0px 0px 0.8ex; BORDER-LEFT: #ccc 1px solid">This was passed around my office this morning. I just have to pass it on.<br><br>Michael<br><br><br><br>Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. This was submitted by a
<br>guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their anniversary:<br><br>Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my<br>interest.<br><br>The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little
<br>something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a 100,000-volt,<br>pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were suppose to be short<br>lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her
<br>adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I<br>bought the device and brought it home.<br><br>I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.<br>Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the
<br>button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the<br>blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.<br>Awesome!!!<br><br>Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the
<br>face of her microwave.<br><br>Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it<br>couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,... right?<br><br>There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting
<br>little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really<br>needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit<br>I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought
<br>better of it. She is such a sweet cat.<br><br>But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against<br>a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I<br>wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
<br>glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one<br>hand, taser in another.<br><br>The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your<br>assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a
<br>major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make<br>your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.<br><br>Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.<br><br>
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long,<br>less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two<br>itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"
<br><br>What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.....<br><br>I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side<br>as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such
<br>a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.... I decided to give<br>myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it.<br><br>I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER,<br>WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%!@*!!!
<br><br>I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in<br>the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and<br>over again.<br><br>I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in
<br>my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be<br>found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and<br>tingling in my legs.<br><br>The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before,
<br>licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "Do it again, do it<br>again!"<br><br>Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of<br>caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself.
<br>You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a<br>violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be<br>considered conservative.<br><br>SON-OF-A-.... that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure,
<br>as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what little<br>I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.<br><br>My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they<br>up get there???
<br><br>My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt<br>like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.<br>I'm still looking for my testicles? I'm offering a significant reward for
<br>their safe return.<br><br>Still in shock,<br>Tommy<br><br><br>_______________________________________________<br>NSRCA-discussion mailing list<br><a href="mailto:NSRCA-discussion@lists.nsrca.org">NSRCA-discussion@lists.nsrca.org
</a><br><a href="http://lists.nsrca.org/mailman/listinfo/nsrca-discussion">http://lists.nsrca.org/mailman/listinfo/nsrca-discussion</a><br></blockquote></div><br><br clear="all"><br>-- <br><br>Keith Hoard<br>Collierville, TN
<br><a href="mailto:khoard@gmail.com">khoard@gmail.com</a><br><br>